Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize