is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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