got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
