i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
