I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
