i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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