Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
