We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
