happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
