I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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