I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
