These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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