i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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