Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize