Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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