Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He has the fingertips of a God
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