You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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