this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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