When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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