So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
