how can u be prego again
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
