I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your cock deserves a montage
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
