he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
