Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Randomize
