oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
