so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
