I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize