Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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