A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
