She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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