after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize