This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
