I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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