I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
