I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize