Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
