I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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