For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
