dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
