Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
