so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The best revenge is premature balding
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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