i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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