Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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