so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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