Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
