I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
