When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
