omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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