i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
