the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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