Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
