I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
