i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
