god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
