id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
