I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
