you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
