My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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