The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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