Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize