there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
