So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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