Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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