this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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