just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize