i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
