Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is the high leading the old right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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