Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
