good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
