I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
