and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
