Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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