After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
