who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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